nannypickle's posterous

I am writing to you in an effort to try to make sense of the mystery that surrounds you and your merrymaking in this, the festive season.

You see, up until recently I had been under the misguided impression that your generosity in giving out presents to all the Bad Bunnies of the world was merely because you were a jolly old fellow, as I have always heard you referred to in songs.

It has come to my attention that you actually require some sort of behaviour promise for us to receive said goodies. Could that not be deemed as blackmail (I once saw a blackmailer on an episode of “Law and Order” sent to prison for such an activity…and don’t tell the Au Pairs I was watching, I was supposed to be asleep in bed hours earlier, but after they have had their evening tipple, they sometimes fail to notice my late evening wanderings)?

Now, apparently you have a “Naughty or Good List” upon which all the Bunnies of the world are marked under the appropriate column (and I must add, does not my name put me immediately at a disadvantage?). Firstly, how on Earth can you know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time? Surely there must be room for error…And secondly isn’t the idea of “good” open to interpretation, and indeed “good” for whom. My behaviour is never anything but great fun for me.

You see, I thought it awfully “good” fun when I decided giraffe would make a particularly delightful Christmas tree once adorned with fairy lights. He was so resplendent in his glowing glory once plugged in…oh you should have seen him, or maybe you did, given you apparently know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time. However, Au Pair Shannon told me I was being terribly naughty and sent me to the Box of Contemplation. I can only imagine she was upset with me because I did not put her home made Christmas star atop his head (you see, it is terribly ugly, all sticks and red plastic berries, it would have ruined my display).

And I also thought it would be a “good” deed to help Au Pair Jennine on her recent photo shoot. She was shooting the new Spot the Difference Collection and fell asleep (or was that, knocked her head when she fell because of her untied laces (I only untied them to make her more comfortable) and was out cold for a while, not sure which) and I thought to help her channel her creative energy, I would make her face and arms all spotty to match. I thought it would help her focus. When she awoke she went an awfully strange shade of purple.

So you see Santa, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what exactly is required of me to receive the bounty I am due. You can write me at the Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Just address it to Bad Bunny. I am terribly clever, and though only four, do know how to read and type.

Luff,

Bad Bunny

PS And by the way who, indeed, are you to say what is deemed as “naughty or good” when your very likeness was created by a greedy, planet raping, obesity contributing, evil corporate giant of the Cola variety. The fact you allow your representation to have been invented by such a money hungry beast. Should that not be deemed as “naughty”? Or in the very least “not good”? 

Given your influence over Bunnies of the youthful kind should you not wish to be associated with more wholesome activity? Everyone knows Cola rots your teeth, and it’s only redeeming feature is it’s inordinate ability to clean copper coins.

So, ye of the red and white suit so astonishingly close to the branding of aforementioned Cola, I ask you reassess the bribery upon which you deign to gift give or not.

Not so much luff anymore,

Bad Bunny

PPS Unless, of course,  you do indeed bring me everything on my wish list, then, like Oprah, we can be friends again. 

Perhaps Luff,

Bad Bunny

What a sojourn this has been indeed, o' fair and gentle reader. Like Aunt Dot and her unlikely posse in Rose Macaulay's "The Towers of Trebizond" we have set off into the blue yonder with camel and headache powders at hand. And in all honesty, haven't the highs been moderate and the falls monumental? In fact this story has seen more falls than the Italian soccer team in a World Cup decider, for the want of a better analogy. How the Au Pairs have tried to excuse, blame, apologise for and ignore Bad Bunny's antics and how Bad Bunny has risen to the challenge of growing an ego the size of Norman Foster's "Gherkin" in London is the mettle legends are made of. 

So sit back and enjoy the final installment in this 9 part series....all three of you who have been following it.

Dear Oprah,

 I feel that I can call you Oprah these days, after all, we have been corresponding for some time now.

On that note, I don’t seem to have received your RSVP for the high tea party. Perhaps your assistant has forgotten to pop it in the post? Nanny Pickle often tells the Au Pairs, especially Au Pair Jennine, that good staff are so very hard to find.

 Just because we are famous, Oprah, doesn’t mean we don’t suffer the slings and sparrows of everyday Bunnies or people. If ever you need a hand with staffing your office let me know. Some of my Meadow Friends might be able to help you out. Of course, we would have to have adjoining offices with views and one of those electric pencil sharpeners.

 Imagine us working side by side…

 Also, I notice that you have not “liked” me on Facebook nor are you following me on Twitter. Don’t be shy! People will find out eventually that we are BBFF’s (Best Bunny Friends Forever). Perhaps this way we just let people know softly so that they don’t get jealous. I mean, I can’t be friends with everyone now can I?

 Looking over everything now I realise that I have not received many answers at all to many of my questions. I am thinking that this is because either Au Pair Shannon has been posting my letters to The Ellen Show instead of The Oprah Show, which may well be the case, or, you have had an operation that has left you with a massive bandage going all the way around your head….you know like in Days of Our Lives when they have a car accident and then they reveal their new face and they look really different.

 I hope you get better soon Oprah. Let me know if you need anything.

 I will get my people to talk to your people as to what may have happened to your correspondence to me. Giraffe and Chicken will get to the bottom of it all. They are very good at detective work.

 I will wait by the post box for your reply…. hopefully it will stop raining. It’s not nice being water logged when you are a Bunny.

 Kind Regards,

Bad Bunny

(To date, The Nursery of Nanny Pickle is yet to recieve any corresponance from Ms Winfrey or her legal staff which is a relief to Nanny Pickle and the Au Pairs. Bad Bunny, it would seem, has turned his attentions to one Ms Ellen Degeneres...who apparently still has a show so therefore must be a bigger and better celebrity than Oprah anyway.)

You are by now, dear reader, either completely engrossed or completely comatosed by the seemingly never ending game of literary badminton that is unfolding. Either way, The Nursery Staff would like to reassure assure all who wend their way through the afore mentioned digital ramblings, that these are actual correspondences sent to Ms Winfrey, herself. We dare say she has never read read them nor even knows of our existence but what fun ensued in their writing....only you and The Nursery Staff know!

Dear Miss Winfrey,

The relentless pursuit of your good self by our errant Bunny is now becoming beyond reproach. In an effort to impede any further untoward ramblings being inflicted on your most celebrated person, we have assigned Bad Bunny to the Box of Contemplation for the duration.

Please do not fret, this is in no way a tool of torture, but merely what it claims to be - a box upon which to contemplate one’s actions.

We again find ourselves in the regrettable position of feeling the need to apologise for the aforesaid relentless ramblings from our Bad Bunny, and again, by way of good will (with perhaps just a hint of one’s attempt to ingratiate one’s self to you) we enclose a wee gift for your pleasure.

Nanny Pickle takes much delight in creating her gorgeous collections and in the process hopes to educate all and sundry in the ways of proper etiquette and good old fashioned manners. It is clear however, in the case of Bad Bunny, these attempts are oft ill-conceived.

Yours in most extreme humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(See below for confirmation of Bad Bunny's ostracism to The Box of Contemplation)

In the vein of Tolstoy's masterpiece "War and Peace" but not as literary worthy, we bring you the seventh part in our  seemingly endless one sided anthology. The question at hand it would seem is whether or not the Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey herself, could tolerate co-habitating with her "wanna be" muse, Bad Bunny. With headache powders and good gin at the ready, we launch into wha,t one can only hope, will be one of the last installments is this series.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great excitement that I send this wee package to you, as your trip to Australia looms closer. What a meeting of the minds it will be. For like you, I am often misunderstood as the previous letter sent to you by Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine shows.

I mean, really, I know we need to keep our friendship and mutual admiration within the “fold” so to speak, but, it would seem that The Nursery Staff at Nanny Pickle have completely misunderstood just what great friends we are.

This brings me to the high tea party, that, I am throwing in honour of our blossoming friendship. I have been madly signing some Bad Bunny merchandise that you can take home with you when you leave Australia. It is always great to have souvenirs of the places that you have travelled to and the people you have met. I don’t want you to be sad about the fact that we don’t live next door to each other. Wow! Wouldn’t that be great! If we were neighbours, you wouldn’t need the life size cut out picture of me that I have had to prepare for you. You could just see me every day.

I know that “familiarity breeds contempt” because Nanny Pickle is always telling me to make myself scarce. I figure that is so she can understand how much she misses me when she sees me again. Being an adult sure is complicated.

Will you miss me when you leave Australia Oprah? I know I will miss you but being a Bunny makes me cuter and more easy to cuddle. Perhaps it would be better if I just went home with you? It might make things easier for you. I would hate you to have to go and see Doctor Phil because of me. I have heard that saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but I don’t think it really would apply in this case because I fear you may just get very sad when we are apart.

Do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in?

My only problem then would be what to do with all of the sad people here at The Nursery of Nanny Pickle.

I will have to think long and hard about all of this. Gosh, being a celebrity sure has its moments. I am sure you are learning all about this

I am off to check how my Meadow Friends are going with the construction of the firework display that I am working on for our tea party. I have had them fashion a huge effigy of me, Bad Bunny, for your viewing pleasure.

Kindest Regards,

Bad Bunny

Today, in a world of Twitter, Facebook and the likes of You Tube, becoming a legend in one's own toy box is not so hard...let's face it, if that Bieber kid can do it can it really be so hard???  Or so are the musings of Bad Bunny. Surely his many brushes with fame mean something? You have by now read his correspondence with Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of TV,  herself. It is hard to believe that one so young could have such a strong sense of self. It is also hard to believe that a Bunny could be so amazingly narcissistic as to think that anyone would want to engage in his completely self possessed rantings.....but here they are. Everything you wanted to know about Bad Bunny but were too afraid, or couldn't be bothered to ask:

1. Bad Bunny denies any relation, genetically or otherwise to that rather insulting excuse for a buck, Peter. It has come to his knowledge that rumours are being spread claiming that Peter Rabbit and himself are brothers! Bad Bunny would like to say that anyone with any class or pedigree can indeed see the idea is preposterous.
2. Bad Bunny’s Meadow Friends are not toys as Au Pair Jennine would have him believe, but are indeed very real. Why, not only have said Bunny and the Friends cohabited the Nursery together, but they are soon to star in their very own reality animation. Then won’t Au Pair Jennine have egg on her face…oh that’s right, she already has, at breakfast this morning, when I “accidentally” shot the contents of my egg cup across the table with my slingshot.
3. Trolleyboys are overrated. Anyone can operate those tractor thingys with a little practice...or even just by intuition alone.
   Disclaimer: Bad Bunny denies any dents or scratches on vehicles parked in the Village Grocer’s car park are the result of Bad Bunny’s practicings on said tractor thingy.
4. Bad Bunny has studied architecture and is an honorary member of the AIA and winner of the Pritzker Architecture Prize (although he is yet to receive his award) for a work entitled Royal Tarzan. This piece of mastery involved very delicate layering and construction of an entire set of Nanny’s Royal Albert dinnerware, consolidated and cohesed with a multitude of Tarzan Grip tubes of adhesive. Nanny is yet to discover the masterpiece, though she has often been heard to ask in bewilderment as to the whereabouts of her prized dinnerware set.
5. Bad Bunny is a fashion artiste to challenge the talent of the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier (who Bad Bunny refers to as “that French git”). The git’s muse Madonna was nothing on Bad Bunny’s muse, Giraffe. After all, who could possibly surpass such a sight as said Giraffe donning a rather spectacular polyester jumpsuit created entirely with a glue gun and sequins featuring the warning: jumpsuit must never come within 1km of an open flame.
6. Although for all appearances Bad Bunny is an orphan, his lineage, in his own words, leans more to the ilk of true blue blooded aristocracy. Although one is led to believe that the Windsors had a tendency to bestow their love of animals on corgis and horses, there is in fact an entire floor of Buck House devoted to furry friends of the lapin varietal (who are, after all referred to as “bucks”). In fact, the Queen’s friend of choice is not in fact Philip, but a small bunny named Esmerelda (Esme to HRH) believed to be the mama of Bad Bunny.
7. David Attenborough has filmed a complete series devoted entirely to the world of Bad Bunny, entitled “I want to come back as Bad Bunny”.
8. Bad Bunny has been invited to compete on X-Factor. He declined due to unfair talent advantage, and the fact that he would inevitably win as Dannii Minogue has a very well known bunny crush on him.
9. Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon are actually alien robots programmed to look after Bad Bunny, by Bad Bunny himself.
10. Bad Bunny is an intellectual though oft misunderstood genius. After all, who else can invent the likes of the engineering masterpiece below.

Oh, the to and fro. Oh, the literary tete a tete that ensues as Bad Bunny attempts to lure Camp Winfrey into his tree house for cake a a chat about his favourite subject. Is there a slight sense of desperation in his tone? Is Dr Phil more famous than Oprah? Should Bad Bunny be given more structure in his day to stop his mind and prolific typing paw getting The Nursery into so much trouble?

Dear Oprah,

(I feel like I know you well enough to be on a first term basis. Please feel free to call me Bad Bunny….Master sounds so formal)

I really am indeed so glad that we are friends. I mean whom else could I speak to about the trials and tribulations of fame? We have so much in common. Do we not?

Although Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine mean well I feel that they fail to understand exactly the amount of pressure we, meaning you and I, are under being in the public eye.

Only the other day Nanny Pickle told me I was getting too big for my boots. I explained that this was part and parcel of being famous and that Au Pair Shannon had already explained that reading all of my fan mail on Facebook was giving me a big head. So why not big feet? In my case, paws, but you get my meaning, right?

Anyway, I am presuming you have been too busy deciding what the wear to the High Tea Party to answer my questions on Facebook. I understand also if you want to keep our friendship private, as people do get jealous. Don’t worry too much about your attire for the event as being famous means that we look fabulous all the time.

Nanny Pickle told me I was a sight for sore eyes the other morning when I was wanting to find the hammer from my tool kit. I must have looked very good and it was only 4:30 in the morning! At least Nanny’s response was a bit easier to understand than Au Pair Shannon, who muttered something about rabbits feet and lucky charms.

Anyway I digress, dress as you wish and bring a friend….perhaps Gayle would like to join us for High Tea in my Tree House. I would have had High Tea on the roof but my Tree House is as far as I am allowed off the ground even though Au Pair Jennine told me I had my head in the clouds over breakfast yesterday. Sometimes I think The Nursery Staff need to watch more of your show.

Yours in all things truly famous and fabulous,

Bad Bunny

P.S: I have enclosed a wee bit of merchandise from my fan club. I thought you could show Dr Phil…I like him too. Is he more famous than you? Just wondering.

(At this stage of events Camp Winfrey sent via their counsel an invoice for the storage required for "gifting".)

As we work our way through the quagmire that is the Great Oprah Debacle we begin to observe an emerging pattern; a quid pro quo or a literary meeting of the minds, as the Au Pairs attempt to placate what they fear may well be the "quiet before the perfect storm". After all, Camp Winfrey had made no response to date. Were they gathering their army and planning their attack? Only time will tell.....

Dear Miss Winfrey,

Again we correspond with you on matters that fill us with deep shame and embarrassment.

Since our last missives it has come to our attention that our wee charge, Bad Bunny, has been relentless in his profferrings to the world of his believed audience with your good self upon your arrival to Australia.

To make matters infinitely worse, we find he has attempted direct correspondence, by way of mail, in a most forward and immodest manner.

You see, being of his age, his narcissistic streak, to put it mildly, is rather wide – more of a gaping cavern than a mere streak. In his fancy he does truly believe someone of your distinction and stature would indeed be honoured to have high tea with him, or for that matter, engage in the most base of board games – Twister.

For all the aforementioned, we can only offer our profuse apologies and endeavour, as best we mere Au Pairs can, to waylay his advances.

As a gesture of humility and respect we enclose a wee gift crafted from our and Nanny Pickle’s hands.

Yours in humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

PS: We are extremely mortified Bad Bunny made reference to your most intimate nickname for ones most private of worlds in his last communication to you. For it was to our best knowledge that Bad Bunny was having his Nursery nap when we viewed that particular episode of your eponymous show.

(We fear by now that the Harpo Production offices must be starting to get annoyed with the inundation of product being recieved from The Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Unfortunately for us all all the nonsense continues....Part 5 to be posted poste haste)

It would seem that at this stage the Au Pairs were naive to belive that their letter writting would stop Bad Bunny in his tracks. It would appear that it had quite the opposite effect. Seeing how thoroughly lovely Au Pair Shannon's hand writing was, Bad Bunny deicided to put paw to paper himself and send Oprah a wee bribe token of his appreciation of his own. And so begins a series of literary parrying and retreats that will obviously only end in tears and an increase in Australia Post's profits.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great joy that I can inform you that, although I am only a 2 year old Bunny, I am completely literate in both the written word and computer type speaking.

I have just at this moment, accidentally, steamed open a letter from Au Pairs Shannon and Jennine, to your fair self.

All I can say is that they are ill-informed and their apologies unfounded and unnecessary.

Spending many long hours with the Au Pairs in The Nursery at lunch times I have had the great pleasure of watching your show. Apart from being occasionally confused about some things….I keep trying to smile into my verjayjay to make it happy. I only tend to wear berets…a verjayjay is some type of  Spanish headwear is it not?

Anyway, I digress; watching many hours of your delightful program has led me to believe that if you wish it you can make it happen.

I know that you have been dying to meet me. So if you wish hard enough we can make it happen….together. Like the friends we are.

I am, at this moment, putting the finishing touches to the high tea I am planning for your trip to Australia. I have some great prizes for pass the parcel. What about Twister? Would that be appropriate?

Let me know what your favourite things are and I will attempt to have some of them ready for your arrival. Or, if you trust me perhaps you would like to take home some of my favourite things…I’ll make you a list to see what you fancy.

Yours in great anticipation,

Bad Bunny

PS: Are you bringing Doctor Oz? Is he Australian or related to that famous Wizard? I’m just curious.

PPS: I enclose a token gift for your pleasure. As you can see, it bears my likeness proudly. For, just as are you, I am a very famous Bunny. (Not that you are a Bunny of course, but famous).

(Small token gift equated to many pieces of Nanny Pickle clothing featuring, naturally, Bad Bunny himself . He had of course signed everything in permanent marker....to add value. After all, Bad Bunny is so very famous and Oprah may hit the skids one day and need to sell a few things on ebay to keep food on the table for herself and Stedman.)